Articles by Andrew
by Andrew
on 02 December 2009
posted in
Virtual Reality Introversion
I'm pretty sure that in my lifetime virtual reality systems will become commonplace. They may not be at a level that’s indistinguishable from reality but they will be good enough that people will spend a lot of time in them.
by Andrew
on 24 January 2009
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by Andrew
on 20 January 2009
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Other Animals PETA Would Like to Rename
- Alligators — Marsh Puppies
- Lobsters — Ocean Bunnies
- Whales — Giant Water Babies
- Manatees — Your Other Grandparents
- Sea Horses — Sea Ponies
by Andrew
on 18 January 2009
posted in
Recently Misperceived as the "Mark of the Beast"
- RFID chips
- Barcodes
- Credit Cards
- Monopoly game pieces
- Microsoft Vista
by Andrew
on 28 December 2008
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Original Context
We all know the danger of taking someone’s words out of context. It’s too easy for meaning to be lost when all we have is a snippet of the person’s words.
by Andrew
on 14 December 2008
posted in
Non-Traditional Signs of the Approaching Christmas Season
- Chia Pet displays
- Hickory Farms mall kiosks (proportional to the number of Starbucks in the vicinity)
- Tenfold increase in worldwide nutmeg consumption
- Sudden and inexplicable fascination with blinking lights
- Atheists extra ornery
by Andrew
on 19 September 2008
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by Andrew
on 18 September 2008
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Things I've Recently Stopped Caring About
- Mike Meyers movies
- State Quarters
- My eBay profile
- Long-distance savings
- Matching socks
- Republicans
by Andrew
on 03 May 2008
posted in
Signs of the Impending Apocalypse
I had the idea of starting a new blog titled “Signs of the Impending Apocalypse”. It would feature stories of the worst in human behavior as well as showcasing celebrities, new products, or entertainment that I see as examples of incredible stupidity. Then I realized there is already something very similar. It’s called “The News.”
Anyway, here’s my list for today:
- 20 Different Flavors of Coke
- Comic Sans penetration nearing critical mass
- Candy dispensers in the form of pooping animals
- Bikini Baristas
- Indiana Jones 4
(not because it’s stupid, but because I never thought I'd live to see it come to fruition)Yikes, it was stupid.
by Andrew
on 03 May 2008
posted in
Those Damn Kids And Their:
- Roller Shoes
- Txting
- MySpace
- Shaggy Hair
- Peanut Allergies
- Moral Relativism
by Andrew
on 08 February 2008
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by Andrew
on 31 January 2008
posted in
High Finance
I'm fascinated with the concept of bartering. It would be cool if I could use my skills in direct trade to the things I need from other people. I think that with only slight changes to what we've grown accustomed to that bartering could make a comeback.
If someone didn’t directly need my skill, but I was in frequent trade with someone else, I could trade for extra items and earn a surplus with the other person, and then trade the surplus with people who need it, but don’t necessarily need my services. To make it simpler we could create physical “barter credits” and trade them back and forth rather than hauling actual items around.
Then I think bartering could really take off.
by Andrew
on 29 January 2008
posted in
Worst Dr. Pepper Impostor Names
- Dr. Skipper
- Dr. Thunder
- Joseph Harison, PhD
- Sir Francis Cottington
- Mr. Pibb
by Andrew
on 29 January 2008
posted in
Devine Misspellings
Jennifer and I are continually surprised to discover how many people can’t spell “divine”. They think it’s spelled “devine”. If we had researched it more carefully I'm not sure we would have settled on the name Divine Flame.
But we both really like the name and it’s a bit too late to change now even if we wanted to.
So we ended up paying for the domain name DevineFlame.com and setting it up to forward to this site.
I was tempted to set up a temporary message like, “Dude, learn to spell,” but I hate it when other sites do this. Earlier today I went to Kinkos' site where I was informed that the URL is now FedEx Kinkos. Oh, sorry. I guess I'm supposed to learn the intricacies of your rebranding strategy.1
I think this is a heavy-handed approach and comes off as snooty. A web site should be as seamless to the user as possible and compensate for easily anticipated errors. And so that’s what we've opted for.
But seriously, dude. Learn to spell.
-
This is ironic coming from a company that adapted it's identity from Federal Express to FedEx because the nickname had already stuck.↩
by Andrew
on 01 December 2007
posted in
Obscure Shopping Mall Kiosk Products
- On-the-go oatmeal in a self-heating can
- DIY mole removal kits
- Battery-powered shoe heaters
- Personalized crescent wrenches — engraved while you wait!
- Lavish mouthwash sets, complete with chrome tongue scrapers
by Andrew
on 12 November 2007
posted in
by Andrew
on 01 November 2007
posted in
Overused Conspiracy Players
- Knights Templar
- Freemasons
- Catholic Church
- CIA
- “Neocons”
- Self-aware computers
by Andrew
on 31 October 2007
posted in
Thoughts on Candy
Where do artificial fruit flavors come from? How did they become standardized? Artificial cherry tastes nothing like cherries yet this flavor has been accepted across many forms, be it candy, gum, juice, popsicles, or jello. The same with strawberry, grape, orange, and many others.
Was there some kind of Artificial Fruit-Flavor Consortium in the early 20th Century, a think-tank that developed the formulas that we've now come to know, love, and crave? How come I've never heard of this momentous event of human achievement?
Also, I subscribe to the theory that all candy corn ever made was produced in a single batch sometime in the 1930’s and sits in a warehouse until it’s divvied out a little each October.
by Andrew
on 13 August 2007
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Indiana Jones Knock-offs
- Kentucky Franklin
- Ohio Smith
- Colorado Chambers
- Idaho Johnson
- Montana Wilson
- Utah Masterson
by Andrew
on 11 August 2007
posted in
Moses Had Horns?
It’s true. Moses used to have horns. Sort of.
In the early 5th Century, when Jerome translated the Latin Vulgate, he misinterpreted the story of Moses' encounters with God at Mt. Sinai.
by Andrew
on 09 August 2007
posted in
by Andrew
on 09 August 2007
posted in
Chocotastic
Everyone knows that you’re not supposed to feed chocolate to dogs and cats. The official reason is that it will make them sick. I think this is a lie. Those in power are afraid because they know that once animals develop a taste for chocolate they will collectively overthrow our society. Hence this myth that it somehow makes them “sick”.
by Andrew
on 31 May 2007
posted in
Live In Fear Because of:
AIDSKiller bees migrating to the USAirborne EbolaMad CowsY2KSARSBird fluMercury in fishTerrorismE. coli spinach- Global Warming
by Andrew
on 29 May 2007
posted in
Dennis Jones' See With Me Bible
Last month on Easter Sunday we were the sponsors at the baptism of our friends' baby boy, Jacob. As a gift Jennifer picked up a children’s picture Bible called the See With Me Bible, illustrated by Dennis Jones. I was blown away by the quality of his work.
by Andrew
on 08 April 2007
posted in
The More You Know
The season of Lent is full of many special days, each with their own designated title, beginning with Ash Wednesday. Holy Week itself is ushered in with Palm Sunday. Then there’s Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and finally Easter Sunday.
But what is the name of today, the Saturday that comes between Good Friday and Easter Sunday? Although I've never heard it mentioned, it turns out that Holy Saturday or Black Saturday are the traditional names for this day.
So there you go.
by Andrew
on 07 April 2007
posted in
I Used To Believe
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)
I recently came across I Used To Believe, a site full of the strange and humorous ideas people remember from childhood. I was surprised that so many similar fantastic ideas are arrived at independently among children. I never really realized that child logic, which is such a separate and independent form of cognition, would deduce so many similarities between individuals.
Here are a few of my own childhood ideas that I recalled while browsing the site:
- Reports of Guerilla Warfare on the news conjured images of soldiers fighting armed gorillas in the jungle.
- The television PSA’s against Drinking & Driving pertained to any drink, and I scolded my mom for drinking a Pepsi in the car.
- Every intersection in the city had a control room beneath the street filled with municipal employees whose job was to monitor the traffic and change the stop lights accordingly.
by Andrew
on 16 March 2007
posted in
Free Books
Anyone not as fortunate as I am to own Seattle’s largest book collection may want to check out these resources for free books.
by Andrew
on 11 March 2007
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Modest Discovery
I've often wondered what would happen if there was a true discovery of a lost book of the Bible. Rather than something revelatory that would devastate the foundations of the Church it would probably be a modest work that would simply enhance what is already in the Bible.
by Andrew
on 24 February 2007
posted in
Smoke Break
I spend altogether way too much time in front of the computer. In fact, I've considered taking up smoking as a way of getting myself up and away from the desk at regular intervals.
by Andrew
on 11 February 2007
posted in
Oscar Predictions
It’s that time of year again. I haven’t seen many of this year’s Oscar nominees but I felt obliged to take a stab at what the future might hold for this most prestigious of award ceremonies.
by Andrew
on 10 February 2007
posted in
Childhood Misunderstandings
When I was little, before I could read, I thought that the line in the Lord’s Prayer “And lead us not into temptation” was actually “And lead a snot into temptation”. By my child logic it stood to reason that because snot is usually undesirable we were asking God to bring a spirit of snottiness unto whatever would try and lead us astray.
I thought it was strange that everyone rattled this line off every week in church, but that I'd be asked to change topics whenever my conversations became preoccupied with this bodily substance.
When you’re a kid, you’re forced to accept a lot of things that don’t make any sense. You think you’ll understand better when you grow up. I'm still waiting for that to happen.
by Andrew
on 06 January 2007
posted in
Home Alone
Jennifer is out of town for the weekend. When I mention this to anyone, they always respond by saying, “So, you’re a bachelor for a few days.” They say it in jest but I always sense some underlying fear, as if they worry I might revert to some primordial invertebrate state and all my wife’s hard work will be lost.
Their fear is unfounded. I always manage to clean up the beer bottles and pizza boxes before she gets back.
by Andrew
on 25 December 2006
posted in
Cat Nativity?
We got a Christmas gift catalog in the mail filled with
tasteless gift ideas. The catalog’s cover features a “Cat Nativity”. The set depicts the classic nativity scene, with all the main players represented by anthropomorphic cats, with an adorable sleeping kitty representing the Newborn King. What’s next, a kittyfied Jesus on the cross?
by Andrew
on 15 December 2006
posted in
Hand Clapping
What is applause all about? Why all the hand clapping? It feels so primitive, banging our meaty appendages together as a show of collective approval. We’ll watch an elaborately rehearsed symphony concert, performers who've dedicated their lives to perfecting their expertise on delicate instruments. They’re showing us the culmination of Western culture.
All we can offer in response are meat sounds?
by Andrew
on 06 December 2006
posted in
by Andrew
on 05 December 2006
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Seattle "Weather"
Last week we had our annual snow panic, wherein Seattle and surrounding areas completely shut down for two days because of a light dusting of snow. This might be the only place in the country where they announce school closures the night before any snow has even fallen. Despite this annual frenzy, the city has virtually no infrastructure in place to handle a modest size patch of snow.
by Andrew
on 15 October 2006
posted in
Why The Long Face, Senseo?
At work we have one of the popular (so I'm told) Philips Senseo coffee makers, and every time I walk by it in the lunch room I feel sorry for it because it looks so sad!
by Andrew
on 17 June 2006
posted in
by Andrew
on 11 June 2006
posted in
Obligatory Comments on "The Da Vinci Code"
I know this issue has already been covered in great detail all over the place, but here’s some more fuel for the fire.
We had the pleasure of attending a forum on “The Da Vinci Code” yesterday evening at a local church. One of the speakers was talk show host Michael Medved. He gave a very good presentation on why “The Da Vinci Code” phenomenon presents ideas that are damaging to our culture. Here is a summary of his key points.